HEALTH & WELLNESS

Everything you need to know about a Toxic Relationship

Being in a toxic relationship can feel like a living hell.

You don’t know if you’re the crazy one or if they are.

You don’t know what to do, who to turn to, or what to make of your situation.

Pay attention to the following red flags:

  1. Walking on eggshells – you find yourself walking on eggshells all the time for fear of upsetting your partner
  2. Can’t speak freely – you can’t speak about your thoughts, feelings or needs openly without fearing negative repercussions
  3. It’s always about them – your relationship is always about pleasing, listening to, or upholding the other person – but they never return the favor
  4. Abandoning values – you compromise your own values, interests, friendships, etc. to keep the relationship
  5. Feeling drained and depressed – you mostly feel drained, depressed or distressed around your partner
  6. Playing the role of parent or therapist – you often find yourself in the role of therapist or parent to your partner, rather than an adult in a relationship
  7. Being made fun of – your partner makes fun of your flaws and sensitivities whether passively (by treating you “less than”) or actively (through name-calling or insults)
  8. Being taken advantage of – your partner takes advantage of you financially, emotionally, mentally or sexually
  9. Always agreeing with them – you always feel the need to agree with your partner (or else there will be negative consequences)
  10. Constant drama – you always feel a sense of endangerment around them as drama/chaos seems to follow them everywhere
  11. Strict roles – you feel like you have to play a role and if you dare change, your whole relationship will crumble
  12. Jealous of your success – instead of celebrating your triumphs, your partner feels compelled to drag you down
  13. Brings out the worst in you – instead of helping you to be the best version of yourself possible, your partner fuels your shadow self and seems to enjoy watching you self-destruct
  14. Regressing instead of progressing – on a personal and spiritual level, you move backward instead of forwards and your self-growth stagnates around your partner
  15. No support – you can’t turn to each other for emotional and mental support in times of need
  16. Unreliable – you can’t trust your partner to offer financial support, lend a helping hand, or even turn up to appointments or commitments on time
  17. Deception, suspicion, and paranoia – there is an implicit lack of truthfulness in your relationship and you may have caught your partner red-handed in many lies
  18. Self-absorption – they are wound up in their own problems, goals, desires, and so are you – there is no meeting point or mutual ground to connect on
  19. Contempt – there is an undercurrent of festering anger in your relationship that manifests as sarcasm, negative and condescending tones of voice, curled lips, and eye-rolling
  20. Disrespecting boundaries – you struggle to maintain clear physical, emotional, mental or spiritual boundaries – and your partner may enjoy overstepping them
  21. Submission/domination – there are issues of control in your relationship and one person will enjoy lording it over the other resulting in numerous emotional and psychological games
  22. Non-stop obstacles – all relationships go through bumpy periods, but in yours it is never-ending
  23. Feeling unworthy – your self-worth as dropped to an all-time low and you carry a feeling of persistent worthlessness while being around your partner
  24. Keeping count of wrongdoings – instead of moving on from the past, there is a toxic fixation and “scorekeeping” of all past fights, arguments, and grievances
  25. Lack of self-responsibility – your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their mistakes or their happiness
  26. Justifying bad behavior – you always find yourself trying to excuse or justify the selfish, immature or nasty behavior displayed by your partner
  27. Unequal division of labor – you feel like you have to do all the emotional work in the relationship while your partner gets to be rude, cold, unreliable or immature

Here are four common causes of toxic relationships:

  1. Poor communication and personal boundaries
  2. Emotional or mental immaturity
  3. Childhood wounds and traumas
  4. Narcissism and sociopathy

Ultimately, it’s best to ask the questions, “is this relationship worth saving?” and “does this relationship have the potential to make me feel loved, safe, and uplifted?”

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